Diana. 21. Ursuline Academy/Mills College/University of Cincinnati. Classics. I speak the language of keysmashes and moans. I adore making new friends and reading and the very existence of Netflix. Tracked tag: nofuckinginthelibrary "where can i download a 6’2” and slightly tousled literature enthusiast?" Last bad day: [05/11/2014]
how come celebrities never got pit stains???
I almost googled celebrity pit stains so I could send them to you but I’m too afraid of what I’d find
There are a few things that help me
1. Turning on a light. Any kind of light that banishes the darkness that harbors those memories. Personally I’ve found that a string of lights or little lanterns is the most relaxing because it’s softer and it’s nice to have something pretty that can distract you a little.
2. Find a permanent distraction. For me, this is usually a book I keep by my bed. It’s nice if I’m not ready to get up, but I need to keep myself from getting caught in the cycle of my thoughts. Sometimes it’s bad enough that I can’t read, at that point I usually turn to netflix. But I find that the way my brain works, I also need to have something in my hands to keep myself fully distracted (puzzles like a rubik’s cube are nice for that).
3. Human contact. This doesn’t have to be physical, in fact, for me, it’s kind of best when it’s usually not physical. I like to be alone when I’m recovering, but it’s also important to remind myself that there are people I love who love me and who are truly wonderful human beings in my life. My memory does not represent all of humanity. I’m fortunate to have several dear friends I can text or message or snapchat in such cases. I’m especially lucky to have someone I talk to everyday. Sometimes I wait until they snap me in the morning (if I trust myself to wait that long) and even though they don’t know what happened, their just being there instantly puts me at ease.
Sometimes I also find talking about it with my therapist helps, but that doesn’t really address the problem as it happens. Also, while these things help me, everyone is different. My flashbacks (and other nightmares) are usually fairly mild. It might take some work to find what helps you, but keep at it.
Now, while the first two are things you can do for yourself, I realize the third’s dependence on another person can present a problem. I’m not on tumblr as much as I used to be, but when I am, I’m always willing to talk to anyone who just needs a person to listen. (Also, I have an idea of who you are, and you are welcome to contact me through other means as well, dear. If you don’t have my phone number yet, you can ask for it. Facebook and snapchat are easier for me, but texting or calling is fine too. If you need someone to talk to in person, we could get coffee or something). I’m so sorry you’re going through this, my dear, and I hope this helps a bit.
i just realized that when i move my curser over a link my brain actually thinks my finger can feel the link jump a little bit and like… what the fuck brain, no, it just changed color on the screen, there’s nothing for the finger to feel, stop that
E.L. James knows as much about BDSM as she would have found in a five minute Google search, which is to say that she knows precisely jack shit.
50 Shades of Grey does not depict a realistic kinky relationship, nor does it depict a healthy relationship of either the kinky or vanilla variety.
You must haven’t read the book.
Well you’re totally wrong about it being abuse and “total Jack shit “. I agree that everyone is entitled to their own opinions but, to say that someone’s way of life is abusive and horrible and not safe is rude. To them it’s safe and it’s fun. It’s a way of coping or that it’s just so invigorating and captivating that, that’s what they prefer. You saying its bad way to have sex and should only be done like making love is very close to a straight person saying gay people shouldn’t get married. It’s their lives, there is no right and wrong just different opinions.
Also there is no such thing as “safe sex”. The only safe sex, is to have sex with a condom.
And that’s not always safe because a lot of things can happen to a breakable latex. Also, yes. BDSM, DD/LG, S&M relationships can be very dangerous; but people know their limits, there are safety precautions, and there are liabilities to keep them from having any tragedies.
All I’m saying is, read into more things better before judging.
Okay, lemme explain something to you:
I’m fucking kinky.
I’ve hit people with a riding crop! I’ve tied someone to a cage with Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff rope! I’ve been smacked so hard and for so long that at the end I was giggling uncontrollably and couldn’t sit down the next day from the bruising on my ass! I’ve had people kneeling at my feet and cuddling with me on a giant mattress and scratching me with plastic bear claws! Believe me, if there’s anyone who wants people to know that BDSM is not inherently abusive, it’s me.
This is not me judging someone for practicing something I don’t agree with. This is me judging a writer for misrepresenting me and everyone else I know who practices BDSM in a risk-aware consensual manner.
This is as if I were a woodworker, and I read a book where someone sticks their hand in a band saw and says that’s the proper way to use it. I, being a woodworker, could say with authority that that’s not how you use a band saw, and saying it is could get people hurt in real life. It’s true, there’s a lot of ways and reasons to use a band saw, but that’s not one of them.
Similarly, there’s a lot of ways to practice kink (some of which I don’t agree with!), but what happens in 50 Shades is not one of them. I’m not saying BDSM itself is abusive, I’m saying that what’s portrayed in 50 Shades that’s passed off as BDSM is abusive.
If anything, E.L. James is the one who’s saying that BDSM is abusive, because everything she writes only affirms the idea that there is something wrong with Christian Grey and that wrongness is his kinkiness. She’s the one who says he’s that way because of his difficult life and past abuse. She’s the one who says that kink is abusive. I’m criticizing that.
Jennifer Armintrout, a published author of horror and romantic fiction, read and commented on the entire Fifty Shades trilogy a few years ago, and 13 chapters in, someone sent her some handouts about abusive relationships, which she used to scrutinize Fifty Shades. The results were horrifying.
Things in Fifty Shades of Grey That Are Not Relationship Red Flags:
- Christian likes BDSM.
Things in Fifty Shades of Grey That Are Relationship Red Flags:
- Ana never feels comfortable around Christian and wants to escape from him.
- Ana sees Christian as broken, and believes she can love him hard enough to “fix” him.
- Ana never seems to think she’s worthy of Christian’s attention.
- Christian pressures Ana to give him what he wants, regardless of what she wants to give.
- Christian isolates Ana from her friends and family via the NDA
- Christian won’t ever accept that he’s wrong, but instead will give long and convoluted responses that ultimately show that he’s right and Ana’s mistaken.
- Christian and Ana’s relationship is all about what he wants—like to show off by giving her gifts, or to enter into a full-time Master/slave relationship, or to see her in Georgia even though she specifically asked him not to. What Ana wants never matters.
- Ana commits to the relationship even though she knows she and Christian want wildly different things from it.
- Christian uses sex and emotional connection to manipulate Ana’s decisions.
- Despite what her “Inner goddess” says, Ana is markedly uncomfortable with BDSM, which she doesn’t want to do. Notice how she refers to it not as “spanking,” but “beating”. I don’t think this is nit-picking—she seems to think of spanking not as a fun, exciting, tantalizingly painful experience, but physical assault.
- Christian gets angry at Ana for things outside of her control (like getting a phone call from José), and she thinks she deserves it.
Plus, there’s everything that BB’s initial post covered.
If you’re reading what people like BB, pervocracy, and Jennifer Armintrout are saying, Christian’s relationship with Ana isn’t abuse because BDSM. It’s abuse because… well, all of the above.
MURPHSYBORO, IL (KFVS) - A group of archeologists has uncovered a nearly 1,000 year old Native American village near the Southern Illinois Airport in Murphysboro Illinois.
The Illinois State Archaeological Survey was contracted to survey land so the state of Illinois could build a roadway.The…
ramblings-of-a-madman-after-dark said: Wait. Is the fifth one out already?
nope! I only just got around to finishing the fourth one!
Hey deary, mind coming off anon so we can talk? If not, it’s totally cool, I understand. I’ll wait to answer your question until tomorrow, okay?
Okay I’m going to pause in my reading for a moment to inform you all that I am once again in awe of Rick Riorden. I know I’ve waited far to long to read this book but by the goddess it is so worth it. My one complaint WAS his turning (endgame confirmed) Percabeth into a love triangle BUT I WAS WRONG I thought it was a pointless side plot to take up space when we all knew how it would end but all of my assumptions were DEAD WRONG (oh look I made a pun that I can’t explain because ***spoilers***)
However I am QUITE pleased by an accurate portrayal of how the Romans viewed love, and an excellent approach to the mature topics of guilt, responsibility, love, and sacrifice. Perhaps this is really more YA than Kid lit at this point, but I think the series has a firm foundation in kid lit, and it’s the kind that grows with the reader.
Which is why I am particularly pleased to see A QUEER MAIN CHARACTER. BY JOVE HE’S DONE IT.
I’M GOING TO GO READ MYSELF INTO A DRUNKEN BLISS OF PERFECT CHARACTERS
He managed to please both the feminist and mythology geek in me and just wow, round of applause for you, my friend
QUICK THERE’S NO TIME GRAB MY BONER
I CAN’T FIND IT IT’S TOO SMALL